I kept telling myself that this is not a pregnancy..I just need some time to recuperate at home. At home I was greeted with loneliness and the urge to feel normal again. I marked books, I slept, did some facebooking until my butt felt sore to make that emptiness go away. Am I in denial?
The night I came home from the hospital, both of us slept in each other's arm. I asked him" Are we sad?" "No, I'm just glad that you are ok" was the reply. I was relieved because there was no pressure and urgency for this pregnancy to materialise. ..Or so I thought..
The day after I came back from the hospital, a friend sent a sms of how sorry she felt for me and gave me her words of encouragement. Immediately, I was flooded with sadness..I hugged Walid and cried in his arms. He reminded me of our conversation earlier. At the back of my conscious mind, I knew it was not meant to be, emotionally I knew I was not sad for losing the pregnancy. Then why did I cry? Was I in one of those mood swings?
Chris called up just now to check whether I was alright. Of course I was ok..nothing was wrong except probably I need to open up and talk about this episode. We talked about a lot of things...That seemed to clear my head from the things I should not think about.
I'm fine..in case you are wondering.....:)
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